Spontaneous Grace

Could you imagine if life came with an instruction manual? Filled with directions, instructions, right and wrong, truths and lies, how to behave and how not to behave? What a bore that would be. We would miss out on all the learning, growing, and adventure of discovering our moment to moment truth. It would be like playing hide and seek yet knowing where everyone was hiding. In a sense we are playing hide and seek with our Self... yet how can you find what is always, already present? I can remember so many times throughout my life when I was searching for peace, enlightenment, truth, awakening, that constant state of security and bliss. Now it is different, somehow I know that I am always here, always present, and omnipresent and I know I am always fully empowered to choose to reside in that constant state of Grace.

Discovering the felt sense of my omnipresent nature is part of the awakening... to know I am everywhere, yet also a point of awareness peering into the all that is that is what I am. However, it isn't what I expected... I sense deeper and deeper into the Infinity that is me, while I witness the point of awareness right here, right now with no expectations or judgments, only unconditional love. We all reside in a constant state of Grace, whether we acknowledge it or not we always have the free choice to reside in Grace, it is always the closest thing, the easiest thing, the most natural thing to be.

I have learned this from my beloved boyfriend Bob. What I have experienced with Bob is unconditional love. Bob has shown me a deep and constant unconditional love that is stronger than I have ever experienced in a past relationship. Believe me, I have tested him well. He has seen my deeply insecure side, my super jealous side, my lividly angry side, as well as my completely irrational side. I have broken up and left him, yet he has never left me. Every night since the day we first connected on June 28, 2015 he has texted me good night... even while we were separated. Because Bob has been there for me unconditionally, loved me unconditionally, and his love has helped me to be there and to love myself unconditionally.

I am there for me in a way I have never been. I am open, raw, vulnerable, authentic, and having no shame even in my lack of integrity, lies, ugliness and insane thoughts. I am fully present and loving and with no judgment when I am experiencing the pain, depression, anger and fear. I am also there fully present and loving and with no judgment when I am experiencing the expansion, joy, ecstasy, confidence and bliss. I can actually see they are all one... the anger and the ecstasy... and that the point of awareness only has one choice ever. Where to point the awareness, what to point the awareness at... the anger or the ecstasy? I can choose to direct my awareness at that which I want to create more of. Most important for me to remind myself, especially when I am feeling very afraid and distracted by the past and the future, is to remind myself that regardless of the circumstances, regardless of what others are doing or saying about me or to me, I can choose fear or ecstasy. No one can stop me, no one can do it for me. We don't have to wait for anything outside yourself to change in order to choose the ecstasy or the fear. Heaven is here now always, and you are the heaven. We are all fully empowered to focus our attention on what we want now, what enlivens us now, what is in front of us that we love, what is in front of us right here and now that we are deeply grateful for, what about our lives and ourselves right now that we love, adore and appreciate beyond words. We can choose in any now moment, regardless of circumstances to be the ecstasy that we deeply, truly are. Nothing, absolutely nothing can prevent this except our very own self awareness. You are your one and only enemy. There are no enemies, "Out there". When you can be a deeply loving friend to your own self, allowing yourself to always keep your attention on the deepest truth within you, always keeping your attention on the felt sense of your aliveness, power and Grace... devotedly.

Thank you Bob for being an example of unconditionally devoted love for me, so I can be unconditionally devoted love for myself, you and all others. Grace 2017